Fast forward to April 2022. Life has changed so much since those early days.
My marriage ended, I have a new job, I finished a degree. Covid is still very much a fear yet it's become a fear that people feel they can live with and alongside. Very few take precautions now and all restrictions have been lifted.
I had still been wearing a mask in busy places, staying away and although the fear wasn't the same, or anxiety the same it was always lingering. But I suppose along that there was an almost acceptance that this was going to reach us all at some point and there had to be a balance to still live and not hide away forever just incase !
I had been suffering with recurring kidney infections for 4 weeks so had been feeling pretty rubbish. On the Monday I was so tired and kept going cold so I did a lateral flow before going into work just incase - It was negative - huge relief ! Must just be the kidney infection.
Tuesday I had been working from home, after work I decided to treat the boys to a maccies tea. Me and the 15yr old were sat in traffic when someone decided to slam into the back of my car ! I had a few injuries that needed sorting so went to the hospital. They do an automatic swab on everyone going through A&E for Covid but i was confident it would be negative because of the negative LFT the day previous.
Around an hour later around 5 people came rushing over to my bed and started pushing me along the coridoor telling me that I had to move to the covid ward as i have tested positive.
I can't begin to explain how I felt in that moment. Other than absolute fear. I sat in a bay on the covid ward looking around feeling a bit of a fraud because at that point I didn't feel THAT ill. yeah i had felt unwell but just rough not ILL.
It wasn't really until a few days later it really kicked in. My breathing was exhausting me, my chest was so painful when i breathed in, I felt dizzy, exhausted and generally in pain. The Dr sent me back to A&E to rule out a blood clot. I was scanned and kept overnight given some help for my breathing. The scan showed no clot so i was allowed home the next day. I pretty much slept for the next few days but the breathing continued to worsen. During this time one of the boys (13) tested positive and was also feeling poorly (thankfully not too horrendous!)
The GP spoke to me on the phone and asked me to go down to see him face to face. My heart was racing, my oxygen was low, he sent me straight back to hospital with suspected Sepsis. Suddenly everything felt very big , scary and at the same time like it wasn't really happening to me. I was started immediately on IV antibiotics and sent for another scan. It still showed no clots but i was treated with blood thinners anyway.
I stayed in hospital for the week until the antibiotics got on top of things and my breathing improved. Although i was still very out of breath my numbers were better. I can't put into words how grateful i was to hear the words "you can go home to continue recovering there" I literally could have kissed that Dr - Not sure that would have been appreciated on a covid ward though !!
I've been home for around 4 weeks now. This week I started back at work. Mostly from home just one day (yesterday) in the office.
Today I could cry - In fact I have.
My body hurts so much. Breathing is exhausting. I'm beyond tired and simply moving my hands feels like a huge effort. I couldn't wait to finish my work today because the energy of thinking, concentrating, focussing, is something I can't quite explain. This isn't tired. This is hell. And honestly , the idea that this is going to continue for any length of time makes me feel physically sick.
I miss me.
I miss my life.
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