Today i'm mostly sad

 Today the black dog, that appears to be becoming more and more a part of my world feels so intense. So many time's i've almost cried for absolutely no good reason. I mean, i'm not sure I need a reason but it feels so ridiculously illogical and that brings a wave of frustration with it.

Scrolling through facebook before work this morning and across many pages an article about new variants of covid appearing. followed by hundreds, and hundreds of comments claiming conspiracy theories, fake news, and discussing how they have zero intention of taking the advised extra precautions. 

I felt sick. angry, sad. Covid is not fake news. It's not a conspiracy theory to make people behave a certain way. Covid is brutal, cruel, and raging. It has taken all the bits of me that I thought i knew and understood and now I feel like I'm a stranger in my own body.

My bones hurt.

My breathing is exhausting and difficult.

My head throbs none stop.

My ears ring with tinnitus.

I'm dizzy and faint when I move around or stand up.

I feel sick and have chronic reflux.

I cough and choke when i eat. 

I'm exhausted with a fatigue that feels like a bus is parked on top of me constantly.

I have a fogginess to my thought process and randomly forget words or replace them with something else irrelevant.

I finish work and instantly crash and sleep. 

I wake up through the night coughing and wheezing and my chest is so tight.

It's been SEVEN weeks and I feel the same now as I did when I was testing positive in those early days. I don't feel like my body has made ANY progress in getting better.

I'm sick of Covid. I'm sick of being sick. 

I'm starting to forget who I was before this now. And that makes me so incredibly sad :( 

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