Uncertainty

 I haven't updated for a while, I suppose i've been busy trying to just "live" and crack on with all of this. I had a CT scan just over a week ago. Yesterday I had a text message from my GP stating that " my lungs were ok but it's picked up an enlarged heart " he has referred me for a heart scan and urgent referal to a cardiologist. 

My heart was initially enlarged but I think it was just presumed it was fine now and back to normal. 

I can't explain the fear I feel right now and equally the frustration. This should have been checked sooner which would have picked it up sooner. And to tell me in a text message is pretty crappy. What if my kids had seen that message first ? What if it was the wrong number ? Surely it would have been fairer and kinder to tell me this in a quick phone call!!! Dr's have lost their person centredness for sure and I feel quite fobbed off and left hanging with so many questions and fears in the back of my mind. 

The minute people talk about heart, cardiologist, urgent referalls it's impossible not to panic and fear the worst. I'm just hoping the appointment comes through quickly and I can get some answers.

The future feels big, scary, and uncertain right now. 

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